"I'm just his wife." I heard the words come out of my mouth before I could stop them. I was standing in the middle of the Wycliffe Hall bursar's office with four administrators surrounding me and those words came out of my mouth.
Kerstin, the office admin had asked me for my name. She said she needed all students names and I thought to myself, I am not a student, I am a student's wife.
Everyone laughed and one of the gentlemen simply said, "Surely you are more than his wife."
Since moving to Norway, I've slowly been losing my sense of self. Not to brag or anything but Jonas is pretty big deal where he lives. He preaches in many churches, people come to visit him, he works at a medical facility and has travelled all over the world teaching the Word. Who am I in Norway? Jonas' wife. I find myself caught between being polite and nodding along to wishing that I could speak Norwegian. (sometimes, other times its fun to have no idea whats going on)
Norway was this fantasy world for me. My days were filled with cooking amazing food, cleaning, walking the dog, sleeping, lounging about and leisurely making trips into town. I really enjoyed it for a while. But on the other side of that, the people I talked to the most were Jonas' family. I love Jonas' family but when you live with your husband's parents, there are only so many times you can talk about the weather. I want to be clear. Jonas' family is amazing. I love his parents and I really enjoy talking to them and spending time with them but I couldn't help but long for a friend outside of that circle. Someone I could hang out with and grow in relationship with.
In Norway no one knew who I was. It wasn't that people didn't care who I was, it was more that Jonas was in the spotlight. He was the one preaching so naturally people wanted to get to know him.
So who was I, his wife.
Since leaving home for college, I made friend quickly and everyone started to know who I was. Taiwanese- American violist, chef, tech geek, Christian extraordinaire. I was crazy and weird as many called me. I was Pattie Lee.
Then I moved to Portland and I was Monique's little sister but I quickly made friends again and everyone knew who I was. In Portland I was Pattie Lee - Seminarian, Apple Specialist, Social Justice activist, Taiwanese- American Christian. I was still crazy and weird. I was me.
Then I moved to Taiwan. That was extremely difficult and I prayed and prayed for someone to help me and guide me. I met Kate Britles. God appointed wonderful women of God that had the same heart I had and taught me so much about sharing the gospel in Taiwan. I went to EM SLPC and met Christians around my age that identified with being Taiwanese and not Chinese. These people understood my upbringing and what it meant to have Taiwanese parents. These people laughed with me and taught me Chinese and Taiwanese. They showed me that God loves Taiwan and the Taiwanese are God's people. In Taiwan I was Pattie Lee - Missionary/Evangelist, English Teacher, worship leader, minister, lover of the lost, Christian. And still crazy and weird.
The past 28 years have been about me. The Pattie show. My identity could be summed up in five words. Taiwanese-American, Christ follower, crazy, weird and tech-geek.
But now, its not about me. Its about a unit. Jonas and me. But technically right now, its about Jonas.
Jonas will be studying at Wycliffe hall, Oxford University and so he is the focus of where we go. People at the university know who he is. They didn't even know my name. People ask him how he is doing and if he needs help. I simply cook our meals, smile and nod.
Somedays I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, "But I am important, I am accomplished, I am more than just a housewife." Somedays I want people to ask me what I've done with my life and I want to hand them a complete resume to show them just how much God has done in my life.
In Oxford, I am Jonas' wife; polite, quiet and a good cook. That's it. That doesn't sound like me.
It's been a struggle and yesterday as I was pondering these things I thought about Christ. What about Jesus? While in heaven, He was king. He was God. He had a kingdom of angels singing His praises. And He left. He left to die for the world. The world that God created and the world that rejected Him. While He was on earth, He told people who He was in few words and demonstrated His divine nature but people didn't care. They didn't believe Him. They mocked Him, ridiculed Him, and plotted against Him. His own people didn't know who he was. A king without a crown. A king that rode a donkey and had a tax collector for a friend/disciple. A king without his throne.
His identity was lost. But Jesus didn't throw a fit and demand recognition and praise. He knew exactly who He was and where His kingdom was. He knew why He was on earth and He climbed that mountain. He was there to serve and heal the sick. He was crucified for our sake. He was there to restore. In the end He was placed in His rightful place at the right hand of God.
Jesus' identity may have been lost on those around Him, but it was never lost on Him. So maybe in Oxford people won't really know who I am but I know who I am in Christ.
I'm Pattie Lee, Servant of God, Lover of Christ, Taiwanese-American and still crazy and weird.
