I’ve gone through different stages of trials in my life. I’ve gone through darkness and struggle in my life. By the grace of God I survived. I have always thought I was so strong. That thinking got to my head and I thought I could finally conquer everything. That’s how I became such a control freak. If I control things than I can keep things from spiraling out of control. Within these past couple of weeks I’ve watched things happen out of my control. It threw me for a loop. I didn’t know what was happening. I tried analyzing everything looking for answers. I tried to keep in control of the situation by pushing my agenda and thoughts on other people. It’s been extremely hard for me to be patient and wait and hope on the Lord. What does that even mean? Do I even know what that means? No. A good friend once said to me instead of focusing on what I can do or what went wrong or negative things, I should focus on how I can be growing as an individual during this time. How I can become a better person in Christ for those around me? I believe things like this happen because God ordains them. It took me a while to get to this conclusion but I have come to it. I am not good at waiting on the Lord. I like to move on quickly and call it a day. I am not patient. I am a control freak. I am not perfect. I am human. I fault people for being human and in the past I have lost friendship because I don’t realize that they are human. A friend once said, “ Some marriages end in divorce because people can’t accept that they married a human being.” I need to be gracious to other people who are not perfect either. I want to be gracious to others who are growing themselves and trying to figure things out. I know that God is faithful and I know God is good. It has been up and down. One minute I trust God the next I don’t. Another good friend also once said, “Trusting in God doesn’t mean that everything will always be happy and good but that that regardless of what happens I have peace that God knows what is best for me 2 days or 10 years from now even if it is painful. This has been a struggle and I think I can honestly say through everything I have been through this has been the hardest.
However, this morning after wasting time and being distracted I sat down and started to play Shawn Mcdonald’s All I need. And then it hit me. I don’t need to control everything, I don’t need to be perfect. All I need is His love. To get me by….by…by.. I was listening and I felt content. I felt happy. I couldn’t help but laugh in worship. I was smiling so much because even though I don’t know what is going on. God does. When I say I lay down my life and put it before him it can’t be lip service. I have to give him everything. All I need is his love. Everything I have is His. That’s All I need. Just be happy…its all good. Just keep waiting... God’s got it. Who better?
Matthew 6:33
